What Price Freedom?

What Price Freedom?

             What is freedom? What does freedom mean to you?  What price are you willing to pay in order to obtain freedom? To me it’s priceless. It means being able to make my life what I want it to be, with sacrifice, courage, faith, and hope.
           The Vietnamese civil war was a long and exhausting affair, which claimed many lives and affected many families (Vietnamese and American). 
            In the 1970s I was a teenager. I had seen nothing yet of life and the world. My father was a very successful businessman so I grew up with luxury and privilege, everything I wanted my father would give me. I never had to struggle for anything I wanted or needed, it was simply handed to me.
            When I was growing up, I was unaware of the civil war. It had been going on since I was very young, and had not yet affected me. The Tet Offensive in 1968 brought the war into my consciousness. The Easter Offensive of 1972 escalated the war, and many of my friends were drafted as they finished high school. At that point I really started to understand the ramifications of the war.
            The war wreaked havoc on my life. It curtailed the innocent and carefree days of my youth, and destroyed many of our young people, their families, and my country. It still haunts me; it is always an undercurrent in my mind
            April 30, 1975. That was the day when South Vietnam fell to the Communists. I was hiding in a shelter underground and afraid I would die. Life as I had known it had just become a distant memory. 
            The atmosphere in Viet Nam under the Communists at that time was one of fear and terror. Everyone spied on everyone else, and if you did something someone didn’t like, you could be reported to the authorities. We were constantly at risk of offending the wrong person, doing the wrong thing. Anyone could be arrested and tortured at any time.
            Being wealthy was now a liability, and my father could no longer work at his business. The new government considered him an oppressor of the people, thinking that he was forcing them to work for him without proper recompense. We were paralyzed with fear and anticipation of horrible things, and within a few months we were put in a re-education camp.
            When we got out, my father was forced to make one of the most difficult decisions of his life. To ensure my safety and survival he knew I must escape the Communist regime and leave Vietnam, the only home I had known.
            I was twenty years old, and it was important to my father that I would be well taken care of. He did not want me to escape alone, but he couldn’t come with me. He decided he must remain in Viet Nam. If anything happened during my escape then he would be able to do something to rescue me.
            My father was worried that I would be traveling into an unknown world on an uncertain journey. He decided the best way to make sure I would be well taken care of was to have me get married so that my husband would take care of me and continue to keep me safe.
            So I married a stranger. There was no physical dowry, one which would have been typical for a wedding in Viet Nam. Instead my husband gave an emotional dowry, the promise to my father, and me, that he would care for, love, and protect me, my father’s only child.
            My sacrifice to get my freedom was to marry a perfect stranger, and come to a country I had never known, with only a handful of dollars in my pocket. My father’s unconditional love gave him the strength to let me go, even though I was his only child and his world had revolved around me.
            My faith and my strength carried me through to be able to know what freedom was about, in a way that was wholly new to me. I appreciate freedom today far more than I could have if I had not had to struggle and sacrifice for every bit of the life I have now. 

This is an excerpt from Empowered by Hope, which will be coming out this fall.

A Father’s Day Dedication to My Dad (Mr. Nguyen Van Tho)

“Do everything to the best of you ability, make an effort, bring energy and exude enthusiasm to all the things you do; live life to the fullest and make it significant. It comes down to: if you didn’t get up tomorrow morning, who would miss you? What have you contributed in your life? What will you be remembered for?”  Nguyen Van Tho

            Father’s Day is coming up, and even more than usual, I’m thinking about my dad, Mr. Nguyen Van Tho.  He’s living in Viet Nam, and I haven’t seen him in 5 years, far too long. I’ll go see him in November and my heart is bursting with anticipation.
            I decided long ago that in my life I would do nothing that did not reflect positively on my father’s life. My father didn’t tell me how to live. He just lived and let me watch.  His actions spoke volumes, and his words held weight because they were backed by his actions.
            My journey has been a long, tough and often rough road. Coming from Viet Nam to this new country was a gift but also presented many difficulties. When I was here, despite the obstacles, I was determined to enjoy my freedom, to pursue a good quality of life for my family, and to honor both my old and new cultures. However, working so hard for my family, many times I felt that I had no more energy to keep going. Those were the times when I would remember what my father had told me.
            His words were a gift I had not realized were with me. When I got discouraged, I looked inside myself for something to keep me going. I heard my father’s voice in my head: “Keep living your life until you draw your last breath.” It was as if he had encoded his voice onto a computer chip and embedded it in my brain’s memory bank.
            All the times during my childhood that he had repeated over and over his philosophical sayings had had a miraculous power to keep me going. When I was at my lowest points, I remembered what he said and found the love and strength to continue.
            I missed my father so much when I was in this country and wanted him still to be able to care for me. But though he wasn’t here with me, he gave me the gift of his philosophy, and to this day it continues to carry me forward.
            These sayings became the foundation I have used to propel myself forward and achieve my dreams. They are priceless gifts I appreciate and will treasure for the rest of my life. In fact I have used these gifts to guide and teach my children.
            In remembering what my father said and putting his philosophy into practice I discovered what his words meant and how they apply to my life in the present.
            By sharing my father’s philosophy, I honor him and what he sacrificed for me, and I ensure that his wisdom lives on in those who carry it forward. I believe this is a timeless, universal philosophy of use to everyone that I will be sharing with you in the months to come.
            On this Father’s Day, I want to express my profound gratitude to my dad, for he is love personified. Dad, you are the brightest star shining in the galaxy, taking me upward as I follow you. You are my compass in life! Your wisdom enlightens and inspires me. I have found over the years that your thoughts and dreams have inspired and enriched all the people’s lives you have touched. I am honored to be your daughter.

From the Mouths of Babes

           This past week-end, I had a great time visiting with friends. We enjoyed the gift of each other’s company and an extraordinarily fine lunch.   

We had first met thirty years ago. At the time our children were toddlers, and now, our children are parents themselves. Time just flies! My friends brought their granddaughter and I brought my album full of pictures of my beautiful grandchildren.  First we caught up on our children—their three children and my four. Then we talked about the good old days and then, of course, we exchanged anecdotes about our grandchildren and the innocent and magical age they are right now.

            I told them how impressed I am with my two sons and their wives and their son and his wife…What good parents they are. The way they care for their children, discipline them….Ah, I think they are much better equipped to be great parents then we were.

            One of the great joys of being a grandparent is that we can just enjoy the grandchildren, then hand them back to their parents. Because our children are themselves such good parents, we can happily return our precious grandchildren to their loving and caring parents.

            Life is good. However, the fact remains that we are getting older. My friends gently reminded me: Yes, we are getting old! But that means we still have a wonderful life to live with the newest generation.

 

            Life is full of surprises and at times, despite how hard you try to move ahead, you just feel like you’re on a treadmill. You’re going the distance but not getting anywhere, you’re still in the exact same spot! Sometimes we feel like we’re juggling many balls, putting in lots of effort just to keep them in the air, without accomplishing anything.  At these times we feel overwhelmed, frustrated, out-of-control.

            In the black hole of frustration and despair, there is a magnetic force that can suck you in, so you need to find a way to move out of reach of that magnetic suction. How do you resist it and get moving again?

            Okay, take a deep breath. Find your center, the part of you that is calm and quiet (yes, you know it’s there somewhere) and feel the strength of your inner balance.

            You may need to take a few minutes, or an hour or a day, to sit with your calm, balanced self and rest and bring your focus back to the present, to what is most important. Decide what really needs to be done now, and what can wait till later. Can you ask for help, delegate a bit? Just let some of it go? Whatever you decide, you will have an easier, more productive time after you have centered and focused yourself.

            I learned this lesson recently from my three-year-old granddaughter, my esteemed “old” philosopher. In the midst of spinning out of control, too many things to do and too little time to do them, she taught me a profound lesson in living every day life. 

            Going into the bathroom, she told me that she’s a big girl now; she doesn’t have to sit on the Elmo booster toilet seat any more. “SEE A’Má!  I just balance myself so that I don’t fall into the big bowl.” And that’s what she did!

            I had my own “A Ha” moment then…the key is balance.

            As I said when I parted from my friends:  Until we meet again, my friends, I wish you good health, good fortune and a good sense of equanimity.

No Time to Procrastinate

“Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam

            Welcome to my “fortune cookie” house. I have inspirational quotes and Confucius’ sayings posted everywhere. They’re on my bedroom door, the ceiling, in my bathroom, in my office. This morning, I looked in the bathroom mirror, and there it was:  “Procrastination is opportunity’s assassin.” – Victor Kiam…
            HMMM, so just who was Victor Kiam?  I looked him up in the Wikipedia. Victor K. Kiam (1926—2001) was an entrepreneur and owner of the New England Patriots from 1988-1991. “Upon Kiam’s death The Times quoted one of his closest business associates in later years, Jonathon Lyons, as saying that he was `a truly remarkable entrepreneur of the old kind – the kind they simply don’t make any more.’”

             Kiam wrote a number of business books:

• Going for It!: How to Succeed As an Entrepreneur
• Keep Going for It!
• Live to Win: Achieving Success in Life and Business

            I should have guessed…A great achiever, a doer….not a procrastinator.
            The quote got me wondering just who the procrastinators are, and why procrastination is something everyone seems to struggle with.

Procrastination: a behavior characterized by deferment of actions or tasks to a later time.

            I know personally it’s not one of my biggest issues, but I certainly struggle with it from time to time. Why do it now if I can do it later?  That type of attitude is the beginning of the end when it comes to getting any type of work done, whether it’s a project, a longed-for goal, or just everyday chores. 
            When I find myself procrastinating, at some point I wake up to the fact that to be productive means that I have to stop the procrastination. 
            My procrastination is often a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision. Sometimes it’s the result of a lack of discipline or motivation. Maybe someone is afraid of what will happen when the task is completed. Maybe they just plain hate the task at hand and hope it will disappear if they ignore it!
            But procrastination doesn’t usually solve the problem you’re trying to avoid. For some people, it can result in stress because of guilt over loss of personal productivity. It can create a crisis when you realize that an important task didn’t get done on time, or you experience the discomfort of others’ disapproval for not fulfilling one’s responsibilities or commitments.
             These combined feelings can promote further procrastination. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it becomes a habit or way or life.
            Don’t let procrastination create problems for you. When you procrastinate, many times that undone task or project is in the way, physically or mentally, before you can move on. This can create frustration, and roadblocks, and missed opportunities.

How not to procrastinate:

1. Recognize the why: Why not do it now? Why wait? Break it down to see why to wait, write it down. Isn’t it better to do it now?
2. Don’t worry about asking “What’s more important to focus on first?”
   Instead just ask, “What am I going to focus on right now?”
3. Work hard, play hard:  Schedule some downtime in your day to just take a break and relax.  Get this done so you will have time for something that is pleasurable.
4. Find coping mechanisms, ways to de-stress yourself:
   1. make a list
   2. stay organized
   3. be realistic: don’t overload your work schedule
5. When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts necessary to make a decision. Don’t keep putting off decisions.

            Every one of us at one time or another has let procrastination get the best of us.  We let opportunities pass by because we’re not ready for them. Because of something we have not done, some thing we neglected to do yesterday, we miss a perfect opportunity…and we beat ourselves up for it. 
            Create affirmations for yourself, such as: “I possess an endless supply of creativity, energy and tolerance for any project that I commit to.” “I can always find time and energy to do what needs to be done. I do not procrastinate or forget.” (Quotations are from unknown source.)

Hello world from HaforHope!

Hi, it’s haforhope(dot)wordpress.com

I am an enthusiastic student of life, committed to my personal development and growth. As a Success Coach I love working with people and encouraging their personal and professional development, as well. 

I am a Viet Namese refugee (I was one of the Boat People). From my experiences escaping repression in Viet Nam and starting over in this country I share the lessons of hope and wisdom learned through an arduous journey.

When I left Viet Nam I had to leave my father. It was very hard because he had taken such extraordinary care of me after my mother died. One of his most precious gifts to me was his philosophy, simple sayings and admonitions that gave me a solid basis from which to face a life that was vastly different than I had expected it to be.

I have been my father’s avid pupil. My ultimate goal, now, is to share his philosophy with the world. This philosophy is not new or revolutionary. But it is powerful because of where it came from–experience and  profound respect for all life, full of love and good intentions.

I hope you will enjoy my blog, as I share with you my father’s philosophy and my experiences in living it, as well as the journey of my life.